


grace is just weakness, or so I've been told

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo Fic [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Bitterness, Difficult Decisions, Love/Hate, M/M, Morality, Pining, Unrequited Love, no good deed goes unpunished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 20:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20784740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: "I pity you then," Orochimaru states bluntly, causing Sasuke to flinch. "You're young still," he continues on, his soft tone a deep contrast to his harsh words. "You can still leave and escape my fate. Love is a cage, Uchiha. Freedom is the key; don't ever give someone the ability to lock you in."





	grace is just weakness, or so I've been told

**Author's Note:**

> #2 fic for Bad Things Happen Bingo card. prompt was No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

* * *

**grace is just weakness, or so I've been told**

* * *

"Love is a cage," Orochimaru tells him one day over a cup of tea. It's raining outside, the heavy downpour creating a melancholy mood in the poorly lit kitchen. Sasuke glances up from his hands, pausing for a moment to raise an eyebrow at the older man's non sequitur. Orochimaru doesn't continue, just takes a sip of his tea before looking out the large window to their right. Sasuke finishes pouring his own cup, gently sitting the teapot onto the table. He doesn't add anything to his own cup, simply sips the steaming liquid in its naturally bittersweet state.

"You've been visiting me since you were seven," Orochimaru pipes up, setting his empty cup down and turning to Sasuke, his shoulder length hair swishing softly at his movements. "After all this time, you've yet to ask me about the seals around my neck."

Sasuke glances at the mentioned seals, the sharp black color contrasting harshly with Orochimaru's skin. Seeing the man walking around the village as a child was a sight to see; the constant frigid mood that surrounded him a deterrent for anyone who came too close. Sasuke had felt a comradery with the solemn man after the massacre, bitter and intent on being alone. He had seen the looks and the whispers that had followed the man and had wandered after him, following him all the way to his house.

Orochimaru had simply stared at him, bleak and disinterested in both Sasuke and life in general. Sasuke had continued silently stalking the depressed man, basking in an attitude that fit his mood so nicely. It was only after a few months of this that Orochimaru had invited him into his home, stating, "If you're going to follow me, you might as well be of some use." He had handed over his groceries and then pointed out where everything went, silently making Sasuke a cup of tea. It became a tradition after that; Sasuke would follow him home in the evening after getting out of the academy, helping him clean up around his house before sitting down and having a light supper and some tea.

Sasuke latched onto the lonely man, silently watching him exist in a black mood. Sasuke never asks him questions, just nods and shakes his head to communicate with him. He once opened his mouth to question an ugly black eye that marred his otherwise pale features, but Orochimaru had sufficiently cut him off with a numb look. Sasuke does as he's asked, helping him with dishes and cooking, making tea when Orochimaru's limbs become too stiff on the rare cold day.

He knows who Orochimaru is. Knows that he was caught experimenting on Konoha shinobi and children. That he was caught and captured by the Sandaime before he could escape the village. Orochimaru was the Sandaime's student, so instead of being executed for his transgressions, his chakra was sealed away, his shame visible by the harsh black marks that mar his throat. He is a glorified secretary for the Hokage on a good day and a lost wanderer on the bad ones. He is spit at in the street, sneered at by his once comrades, and rejected by his disapproving sensei.

Sasuke hasn't asked about the seals because he lives in Konoha and everyone knows what the seals mean.

Sasuke shrugs, taking another sip of his lukewarm tea.

Orochimaru scoffs at the motion, shaking his head. His golden eyes bore into Sasuke's, the pupils in wide slits as he pushes his cup forward slightly. Sasuke puts his own cup down to refill Orochimaru's, handing it back to him rather than just pushing it across the table.

"I fell in love," Orochimaru tells him, a frown falling upon his face. "I loved an idiot, a great oaf of a man. I told him about my experiments; about what I had been ordered to do. I wasn't bothered by it, of course. I am as amoral as they claim I am. I was given orders and I was curious. Curiosity was the beginning of the end for me. I was told to experiment and then I was given subjects to do just that. What should I care if they're Konohagakure citizens?"

Sasuke finally makes a noise at that, a confused hum as he sips at his tea.

"Yes, ordered," Orochimaru spat out, some dark emotion filtering into his eyes. "The old man never quite remembers to mention_ that_. I followed orders and told the man I loved about it. He was appalled. He had a soft heart, that one. Told me to tell our sensei, that Sarutobi would put a stop to everything. Me, being the fool I am, listened. I loved him and I regularly used his moral compass in other parts of my life; why not apply it to my assigned mission as well?"

Sasuke's mouth falls open slightly in surprise, his eyes wide as he listens intently to Orochimaru's story. None of this has ever been told to him, and he doubts many others know the truth behind Orochimaru's capture. He will not lie about being curious.

"I was arrested and given a sentence without a trial," Orochimaru revealed, bitterly chuckling. "My mission leader was given a slap on the wrist and he still currently holds a position of power. The man I loved couldn't look me in the eye afterwards," Orochimaru trails off slowly, his bitterness washing away into something closely resembling regret.

"What happened to him?" Sasuke finally speaks, breaking the decade long silence that has existed on his part. "The man you loved?"

"He left the village afterwards," Orochimaru replies, not even looking shocked that Sasuke has finally spoken to him. "I haven't seen him since that day. That dreadful, _merciless_ day," Orochimaru mutters, shaking his head in disgust.

"I love someone," Sasuke blurts out, confessing something that he's carried with him for years.

Orochimaru pauses in his muttering, meeting Sasuke's wide-eyed look.

"I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember," Sasuke whispers, his heart beating faster as he speaks one of his best kept secrets.

Blue eyes. Blonde hair. Whisker marks.

_Naruto_.

"I pity you then," Orochimaru states bluntly, causing Sasuke to flinch. "You're young still," he continues on, his soft tone a deep contrast to his harsh words. "You can still leave and escape my fate. Love is a cage, Uchiha. Freedom is the key; don't ever give someone the ability to lock you in."

Sasuke looks down at his lap, unable to meet the desolation in Orochimaru's gaze. He leaves a few minutes later, his hands in his pockets as he slowly makes his way back to an empty compound. He bites his lip as he remembers Orochimaru's words, a hollow feeling festering in his chest as fear unfurls in his stomach.

Sasuke doesn't want to exist in a cage. He stops and stands till under the bright moonlight, his gaze locked onto the wall that surrounds the entire village. He swallows, his throat dry as he slowly starts to walk again, his mind at work. He had stayed in the village despite his hopes of one day killing_ that man_. He had let Naruto burrow his way into his heart. And yet, where was Naruto now? _Out of the village, __traveling who knows where while __training with Jiraiya, _Sasuke thinks bitterly. Sasuke had _stayed_ and Naruto had left him all alone.

His eyes burned as tears threatened to form, a dark frown twisting its way onto his face as he stalked home. He doesn't want to be like Orochimaru. He doesn't want to exist in a constant depression.

He packs his bag as soon as he gets home, his heart beating a mile a minute as he slings the pack over his shoulder. He makes one stop after making his spontaneous decision.

"Good for you," Orochimaru says to him when he lands in his bedroom windowsill. The man is in pajamas, something Sasuke has never stayed late enough to see, and he is siting up in his bed, a thick book on his lap. The bedside lamp casts shadows around the room, giving the room an eerie presence.

"I don't want to be you," Sasuke confesses, feeling panic at the very idea of being as trapped as the defeated man before him.

"I wouldn't want to be me either," Orochimaru tells him pointblank, smiling at him with twisted bitterness.

He gives Sasuke a large scroll, telling him to only look at it once he's escaped the village. Sasuke leaves the village that night without meeting a single patrol.

(Orochimaru waits for Sasuke to approach the village walls before he gets up out of bed, slipping out of his sleeps clothes and into battle gear he hasn't worn in over a decade. Sasuke is the last Uchiha and they will notice his disappearance sooner rather than later. Orochimaru isn't sentimental, but that kid had stuck by him for years. With a genuine smile on his face, he attacks the ANBU that usually patrol the area around where Sasuke is making his escape. Let them focus on him while the runaway goes unnoticed. Orochimaru is already broken and caged; what's a few more bruises to him?)

**Author's Note:**

> in case there was any confusion: orochimaru fell in love with jiraiya and told him about his experiments. when jiraiya tells him to confess, he does. danzo, who was the one who gave him the go ahead in the first place, escapes punishment while orochimaru's chakra is sealed and he is forced to give up everything he once held dear. because orochimaru wasnt there to tempt sasuke away from the village, sasuke doesnt leave like he did in canon. he realizes he's in love with naruto and puts off his goal of killing itchi. except naruto leaves on his training trip and all sasuke has is orochimaru and his bitter memories. sasuke realizes that he doesnt want to be caged like orochimaru and he leaves the village in the night.
> 
> title from I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young


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